Hurt to success

hurt to peace heal relationshipsOver analyses paralyses

We become what we constantly think about. Despite of my positive attitude, I had trouble maintaining peace within when it came to handle a close relationship. We think its natural to be depressed or fell prey to negative thinking patterns, when a close relationship is about to or ends. In similar situation, I tortured myself to hell – mulling over the past constantly and asking stupid question – why me?

My analytical and logical abilities amplified my worries to large extent. I’ll share how I started feeling better and in control by managing my mind later. Of course, it took efforts. Our mind behaves like a child and tempted to try the prohibited first. The more we push, the more it rebels. All of us faces such situation sometime. Hence, I hope my example will help.

Complex mind and brain

I am gifted with excellent logical and analytical skills and have enough academic and professional credentials to vouch this. But the same strength proved adverse in handling challenges related to relationship and mind. Logical mind looks for trouble/situation, jumps to analyse and find the reasons (hence the culprit too). Whereas critical thinking helps to accept own mistake. But none can help further.

One can analyse the problem to any extent, identify the right responsible party and try to take action, but forgetting is not the nature of mind. Hurt and pain blended with emotions first takes over the limbic brain, amygdala and then it hijacks the thinking ability of rational mind. I had sleepless nights worrying about worthless and uncontrollable issues. I called them uncontrollable since they were about others. My entire focus was outside. All my efforts to divert my attention were failing as my subconscious mind was still stuck with  either anger, frustration or fear which used to end in me feeling helpless or egoist (not confident).

Later I learned how letting others do whatever they wish without being bothered is the real solution. Here “without being bothered” is the important and critical element. How to do that is the trick and I’ll explain that.

Karma(action) Theory

Karma theory says whatever happens to me is the result of my past karma (or actions) of either this or previous birth. These actions include physical as well as emotional actions. How I feel about something and create positive or negative vibration about it also creates my actions.  No one can favour or hurt if I haven’t created that particular karma (you can call it the vibration) in the past. This theory puts the one in centre and makes him/her creator of his/her own destiny. It’s easy to believe in this theory in bright days. We are good at taking credit in good times. We say that the fortune we enjoy is result of our efforts. But in awful times, we tend to blame people who seems to hurt or trouble us rather accepting the hurt/trouble as a result of bad karma. Here the path becomes tough and testing.

Firstly, I accepted that I had done something wrong to someone sometime. And that’s wrong is coming back to me through the person in context. So my karma is responsible for my pain and not the person. Secondly, to avoid creating more such karma in the future, I must let the result of my bad karma pass without blaming anyone. Else I would end up creating more vibrations of pain, hurt and blame to that person which would again come back as a reaction. Third, by creating kind thoughts and by blessing the person, who had hurt me, I can mend the relations and settle the karmic account faster.

You become what you think

The entire process started with the awareness of thoughts and feelings – whether I was creating nice or not so nice thoughts about someone. Surprisingly, I realized when in tension, I had been creating 95% negative thoughts and that negativity was actually hampering my ability to focus on my health and growth. It made me feel dull about everything.

I had to generate positive thoughts with acquired awareness. Being logical and analytical, I found this process bit difficult in the beginning. All the negative thoughts and disturbing memories used to come back. Even though I wished to experiment with this method, my mind kept rejecting it as a waste of time and useless exercise. Blessing someone who had hurt me wasn’t easy for me initially. So, I started being neutral and slowly I made attempts to feel kind to the person.

Trick your mind

I started tricking my mind gradually. Whenever negative thoughts headed up, I switched to soothing music or positive meditation. I cut all sources of feeding the negativity to my mind such as – sad or violent movies, TV shows, drama news or remembering past. Whenever my mind used to think about past, I fed it with some positive thought to immediately bring focus back to present. I used to tell my mind “let the circumstances the way they are, even if terrible, let me not pass any judgement for this moment”. Any logical or analytical person can understand how hard it could be.

Charity begins at home

I don’t know how much it helped people around me, but I started feeling better and happy in a few days. Positive thoughts improved my state of mind and health. My patience went up and reactive urge came down amazingly. I understood why they say that the anger kills the angry person first and the recipient later. I understood why wise people advise forgiving not for the sake of the guilty but to save your heart and mind. And I do recommend both peace and forgiveness for your health J

PS:  It took a toll in terms of my decision-making abilities for some time as I had to suspend my mind while experimenting this method in the beginning. But it was worth it. The results are amazing.

Today’s task is quite easy

Decide to stay in positive energy today? No matter what may come, I will keep my soul and mood positive and cheering for next 12 hours.

Do share your experiences.


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